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I’ve been really thinking about life, about how I wish I could just.. disappear. Everything I have here, I could easily leave behind for a better life for my daughter and I.. But I’m feeling incredibly trapped.. trapped in my mind, trapped in my body, trapped in my home, trapped in this “life” that I’m feeling forced to live. And the worst part of it is: I could change everything. ME. I could make things different. So why can’t i? Why can’t I fix things, why can’t I do the right thing, why can’t I do what I need to do to move on? Unfortunately, I really don’t know.
I’m desperate, I’m hurting, I feel weak and helpless, I want to cry out for help but I don’t feel worthy. Is this self pity? Is this ignorance? Or is this confusion?
I want to feel accepted, liked, loved, by all the people I know. But I feel hated, rejected, lonely.. like if I was gone, I’d be doing the world a favor. Whether or not that’s true, my world is a little different from everyone else’s.
Frankly, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost. I’m afraid I might do something, I’m afraid I won’t do anything at all. I hate myself, no wonder no one else likes me. I’m kinda useless. I made my own bed, now all I can do is lie in it. Day after day. I just want to sleep. I hate sleeping, my dreams are too vivid, they scare me. I’m terrified, constantly in fear, constantly feeling anxious. Worry. Worry. Worry. Worry. That’s all I do. As if there’s nothing I can do no matter how hard I try. I need to let go. Let go of everything. I need to leave, leave this house, this state, this.. pathetic excuse for a life. And I don’t EVER want to be found. I want to be as far away from here as possible. And I just.. can’t.. I have nothing, nothing to help take me away. GOD THE FRUSTRATION EATING AWAY AT ME, EVERY SINGLE FUCKIG DAY. WHY CANT I BE BETTER?! WHY CANT I JUST FIT IT? WHY CANT I BE LOVED? OR ACCEPTED? WHY DONT I EVER LEARN? WHY DO I KEEP MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES? WHY DO I LET MYSELF GET USED? WHY DO I LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER ME? WHY AM I THE WAY I AM? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. Just why…
Do you ever wonder if your daughters inability to grow hair is because of the weed you smoked and the alcohol you drank while you were pregnant?
LOL I didn’t smoke any weed at all while I was pregnant, I went cold turkey from cigarettes, and I wouldn’t ever drink while I was pregnant. I don’t know what kind of people you are acquainted with that do terrible stuff like that, but y’all better check yourself before you wreck yourself, yo.
I love my baby girls short hair. :) we can put it in little piggies, or a pony on top her head, or a bow headband. Its pretty cute.
You should educate yourself before you go and open up your mouth and say stupid shit.
WHY IS THAT A ONE TIME DEAL!?!?!?!?! LAAAAAAME!
maybe if im in the mood. there may be another time. :P
I lost so many followers…
How do you feel about hooking up, no strings attached?
I’m pretty okay with it, depending on the person. i’d rather have a legit relationship, but ya gotta do whatchyou gotta do.
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